It has been some months since I last blogged, sorry to my #goingmycrohnway fans (of which I am sure there is perhaps two) but to be honest life seems to be getting in the way. And for that, I am #thankful.
When I started this #blog I wanted to educate people about the difficulties surrounding #Crohns and the journey I am taking and for the moment my journey seems to be a good one, meaning that I have no real grumbles to bore you with. I am just Lucy - and for that I am thankful.
That being said, whilst I am doing well and happy and things seem to be going well, there are little blips along the way. Like the majority of people, each day there are good moments mixed in with those not so good moments. I think it is important to reflect on these together to create a balanced picture and be thankful for the rough with the smooth.
My body is working better
Along my journey I have had some darker times, especially when I have sat back and taken stock of what I have been through and the effects it has had on my body both physically and mentally. Recently, my body has been working fairly well. I am no longer so tired I need to get in bed by 8pm. I have been walking, I have re-joined the gym and I have had an abundance of energy that I haven't felt for months.
Notwithstanding this, I have still got to get over some of my issues surrounding my negative perception of my body. My worst fear has been in relation to my scar. It is something that I have major anxiety about and I cannot bear to look at it. But the other day I was listening to 'Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen' by Baz Luhrmann and the following lyrics got me thinking:
''Enjoy your body, use it every way you can
Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own''
And isn't that the simplest truth. My body, including my scars, is my story. It depicts who I am from birth until now. It describes accidents I had when I was younger, putting my knee through a glass cabinet, running into a telephone box, trapping my finger in a door at school and most importantly surviving the biggest challenge I have had to face. My body is proof that I am strong enough to deal with whatever is thrown my way. And so for every single one of the cells in my body that work hard so that I can experience life I am thankful.
I'm being social again
Recently, my social life has sprung back into action. I have had some wonderful celebrations to attend...my lovely sister turned 30, I reconnected with work colleagues, I attended the amazing wedding of friends, one of my best friends turned 40 and I have had numerous family birthdays to celebrate. Each event has helped me appreciate the people in my life and how lucky I am to have the opportunity to celebrate these things.
Saying this, my anxiety levels have risen tenfold and there have been a few times I have had to talk myself into going. Having not had to deal with social situations for the best part of 18 months and prior to that very limited occasions due to my illness, each event was daunting for different reasons. The worst being the work event in Manchester where my thoughts were screaming ''what if you can't park, what if someone bumps into you, what if you get lost in Manchester, what if you feel ill when you are there, what if you need to leave early...'' All completely ridiculous thoughts that had no impact on the evening at all but almost made me change my mind about going. I had to sit back and rationalise everything - ''There will be plenty of places to park even if you have to have a short walk to the venue, if someone bumps into you it won't hurt you, if you get lost ask for directions, if you feel ill or need to leave early then you just make your apologies and leave'' Overcoming those thoughts, going out and enjoying myself made me realise that the anxiety I feel simply reminds me that I need to feel my emotions so that I can learn from them and let them go ... and for that I am thankful.
It's my #birthday tomorrow
Oh how thankful I am for another year round the sun. Whilst I'm a year older (32 - how did that happen, I am sure I was 18 last year), it is an opportunity to look back and realise all the things I have achieved, no matter how small, in the past 365 days. So I will leave you with my list of 10 things I am most thankful for over the past year, I'd encourage you all to take a moment to think of yours because trust me, you can find things to be thankful for everywhere you look if you look hard enough. Until next time...L xx
Being able to change my life with one decision.
Walks that help calm my thoughts.
The benefits of sometimes just having a really good cry.
The people in my life that make me laugh until my face hurts.
The ability to stay in touch and speak with friends/family anywhere in the world.
Music - especially the songs that cheer me up when I need a moment to reflect.
Gluten free bread that doesn't taste like cardboard (shout out to Warburtons).
Hearing good news and being able to celebrate it.
The family and friends that I can count on through every stage, good and bad, of my life.
The growth I have achieved (I have to ship myself).